THE INNER CHILD – How do we heal?

We all carry experiences from our childhood which include: memories, rules, learning, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviour although we may or may not be aware of all of them as an adult.  These experiences are sometimes referred to as our inner child or the child ego state which can be a positive and negative part of our personality. 
Our inner state can change depending on what we are experiencing if there is a negative trigger we can connect to our ‘inner hurt child’ or a ‘vulnerable child ego state’.  Wounds from our past can be very powerful and painful; and we may experience unresolved childhood issues affecting our present day life as adults.  It can therefore be very important to work with our inner child hurts so that we can increase our healing and well being.  This can understandably be challenging work especially with experiences which are unfamiliar and painful. 
Challenges in healing our inner child may include:
  • finding self acceptance as you are now so that you can make the desired changes
  • giving yourself permission, that it’s okay for you to do this for you
  • to accept that it is okay to make mistakes; this is part of normal learning
  • that it is okay to consider breaking the rules (parental?) you live by if they don’t fit for you
  • accepting the need for healthy boundaries, the importance of saying NO to help keep you safe and healthy
  • knowing and expressing your feelings around supportive people
  • identifying your needs, and expressing your needs is not being selfish
  • re-evaluating your beliefs, what is your truth?
  • grieving for losses with past and current relationship


Changing the way we are is sometimes a big task but it is not impossible.  Some changes we can make on our own and for some changes we need to experience something different in relationship before we can achieve them. Many of our negative, unhealthy or unhelpful experiences and ways of being have been learned or occured during our earlier formative relationships, therefore these issues can also be addressed, changed and healed in a therapeutic, and supportive relationship such as counselling and psychotherapy.
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